Monday, August 31, 2009
Slither In
As far back as I can remember in my adult life, I’ve been waiting for my own ‘falls to his knees’ moment. It’s the much dramatised scene in which our protagonist falls to his (or her) knees, utterly overwhelmed. Maybe exhaustion from rescuing pensioners out of a burning building, or relief as they spy an oasis from afar after thirsty days in the desert wilderness, or even in reverent awe as they watch a projection of God himself descended to the Earth.
I’ve wanted it not so much for the drama involved, but rather for the spontaneous feeling that ignites the moment. You obviously don’t plan for it, and I don’t think many people like being on their knees, so when it does happen it’s likely the effect of a profound emotion. And that is something I think I need to experience.
It’s not hard to be weathered by the world so that you’re desensitised to where you barely betray or even feel much emotion. There are only phases in life when you actually care about shit. I mean when you really, truly give a fuck about shit. Any shit, however inane or intense, as long as you wake up to the day with a thought in your head that you really believe in. But after a point, the journey seems to take a common turn for most people, irrespective of which walk of life they are from (I say most people because I obviously haven’t met all people. I haven’t met most people either, but I’m surely allowed to take creative liberties in my assumptions, without going to hyperbolic extremes). You learn to take things as they come, finding ways to deal with or work around hiccups along the way. You’re doing well, always looking to ‘get ahead’ in the old rat race but hardly noticing the slow countdown that runs unerringly in the background while you take baby steps towards inescapable doom.
There needs to be an awakening, a break from the mundanity that creeps up on you in the guise of life-as-it-has-been-foretold. Enough of this urban bullshit. Forget the work week. Nevermind making plans for the weekend. I need to feel something. I need to feel emotion well up to where it has to bust out of me. I need to cry till I run myself dry, I need to laugh till I can’t bear the aching, I need to rage till I’ve forgotten the very the reason. And all these things shall make me happy and tired and alive.
“Can’t seem to get it together. I’m twenty six years old. I’m healthy, I’m capable, I’ve had every opportunity. My friends are getting married and having kids… and I’m just so far away.”
Nikka Costa - Call Me
Glen Hansard / Markéta Irglová - When Your Mind’s Made Up
1 Comments:
Quarter life crisis it seems like! I'm on the same boat and don't give a shit too!
Siddarth, at 11:12 AM, September 11, 2009
Don't just stand there with your mouth open... say SOMETHING dammit!
