Heart

I’ve finally moved outside the homeland and quite unexpectedly, I’ve been having a good time. I didn’t expect to enjoy one bit of this, but here I am, wishing I had this chance sooner. I’m not an accommodating kind or the adaptive type, but I’m taking to it pretty darn well. I’m kinda worried that I disassociated from home too soon, though.
Moving between hotel rooms became like second nature for a few weeks and suddenly finding myself without anything to do on some weekend now has become an ordeal, as though it was never that way before I left home.

Alcohol has been a good friend and I miss her when she leaves me. But she always comes back; maybe I’m the one who always goes back, but there’s no need to get into the specifics of it all.
And ham. And Twizzlers!! Mmm, ham and Twizzlers…

April! It’s over!! I can now reasonably begin counting the days till the end of it all. Back to mundanity. That’s not even a fucking word, but I always care!
I miss April already.
Actually I miss the awesome end of March AND all of April. May don’t look so hot.

Happy Day, Mom. Early.


Today is actually the first day of May but I will pretend it’s still April. I’m good at pretending. Ask anyone I’ve worked with, they’ll tell you I’m probably not. And that’s why I’m so damn good!

Oh, and you can safely begin ignoring that picture to the left side there. It would be more than accurate to say that it’s been MANY moons since I resembled that.



Sophie B. Hawkins – Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover
Gnarls Barkley – Crazy

A Biker's Dozen

I don't have digital
I don't have diddly squat
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

Thank you, Sheryl. Now on to the blabber.


I am easily threatened but I am not easily intrigued. Now while those two emotions may not often be found in the same sentence, I have a point.

That girl sent me a link to some old blog, some old where, on the unfortunate network. After thus many years of practice, I should have listened to me; I didn’t. After reading one post I was curious about how someone could write and be that much like me. I read on, intrigued. It didn’t get worse. Eloquence and soul in one nifty package. I was suddenly considering reconsidering my “All Bloggers are Assholes” decision. The strange, uncomfortable feeling remained buried deep within, where I didn’t tickle it.

Then he/she/it started spewing words like “Blogosphere” and “Individualist Philosophy”. I don’t need to say how that strange, uncomfortable feeling surfaced like the Titanic on the back of a giant whale. For a second I was almost disappointed that I hadn’t found a similar entity after all; a pretender, at best. Then the defence came out in full force realization. Kiss my royal ass. I may say a lot of crazy shit but it’s still MY crazy shit. I was back from the verge of being un-unique.


No pretenders, no contenders, no part-timers and no shoe-shiners. Okay, that last bit was just for the rhyme and you should have got that. I hate having to explain myself.
There is just one me and if there are two then I was first anyway!

And I’m happy for it.



Metallica – The Unforgiven
The Doors – Light My Fire

Who Dini?

As usual, I’m tired. Weary of the un-creative rut I’m scrambling around in, trying to find higher ground. Every day, the rut goes deeper and it will only be harder to climb out when the time to run finally comes. Until then all I have to do is walk the line while looking to the horizon.

But every now and then, the time comes when I need to drop my bags, turn around, crack my neck, furrow my brow and grind my teeth.
I want to stand up with an unapologetic FUCK YOU to all the people for whom I have to be a sycophant and/or hypocrite.
I want to discard macho stereotype. So what if I enjoy a good romance?
I want to be free from the expectations of people who have willingly imprisoned themselves within societal confines.

And although the horizon remains as dark and distant as ever, the odd ray of light helps to pick up them bags and start trudging again.
Everyday life has its way of dulling the senses till you lose all feeling. A few sparks every once and again is all it takes to be reminded that you still mean something, even if nothing means anything to you.

And I’m happy for it.

Bonnie Raitt – Something to Talk About
The Killers – Bones

Goodnight Seattle

Zooey was on Frasier... Yay, Miss D!!


That is all.


My Chemical Romance - Welcome To The Black Parade
Rascall Flatts - Life Is A Highway

Dirty Little Secret

Christmas is long past and it never even felt Christmassy. All I cared about was a break from work and before I knew it, it was Christmas and then it was gone. That was it and that was my “Happy Holiday”. Of course, things got a LOT better starting around New Year’s, but the season was lost. Again.

This isn’t my first Christmas crib and it probably won’t be my last, but then that’s what I normally do around here.
December is now the embodiment of innocence lost. The days I used to wait for with bated breath now mean nothing to me. In days afore, 25th November would start the warmth flowing as the month-long countdown began. I so miss the days when there was a Santa and staying awake till midnight on Christmas Eve was an ordeal, but well worth it on the off chance that I’d see the jolly dude. Childish awe, reverence and excitement bundled together to make one tingly kid. Or even waking up later at night and looking for presents that I may or may not have deserved, but nevertheless, got. So what if Santa Claus was more Mr. Christmas than Jesus? If you were naughty in one book, you were naughty in the other too!
25th November has been replaced by 30th March, as the end of the Fourth Quarter always precedes the annual appraisal. If you know you’re on Santa’s nice-list, Christmas is on 1st May, when you see the first deposit of your incremented pay. Joy to the world, baby.

Christmas is supposed to bring with it a sense of good cheer and brotherhood and kindness and glad-to-be-alive-ness along with the mandatory presents. Fine. So where does all this disappear to for the rest of the time? Christmas is not about a day, it’s about a spirit. Christmas is everyday because it IS about a sense of good cheer and brotherhood and kindness and glad-to-be-alive-ness. But I guess nobody much sees it that way. I think that’s why I miss Christmas every year. When you’re so used to seeing indifference, you don’t recognize the good stuff when it actually comes along. And then it vanishes almost as quickly as it appeared.

I’ve only been writing biographical shit lately and it’s tiresome. I need to get more upbeat. Next time.


At least this holiday season left me with one good memory. For the first time in a long time, I helped decorate the Christmas Tree. Mom and I, 1:30 in the am, listening to AC/DC and Bob Dylan, hanging sparkly stuff on the tree.
Until she started singing along to Highway to Hell. I didn’t know whether to be proud or afraid…


Merry Christmas, pricks... and goodwill to all.


More


No Doubt – Underneath It All
Bob Marley – Redemption Song
Jimmy Buffet - Margaritaville

“It’s not a pet, it’s a wild invalid!” – George Costanza


You weren't REALLY expecting a secret now, were you??